If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
