i was born a porn star she said
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
