Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
When did angry sex become our thing?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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