I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Randomize