P.S. I can't hear my feet
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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