I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
