Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
