Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
