Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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