I'm really into asian looking animals
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
