i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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