I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
