his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize