just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
My bed smells like the plague
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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