for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Even my vagina gasped.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
