loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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