toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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