Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Randomize
