he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
