The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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