I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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