I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Randomize
