So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
