1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
