did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
