You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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