If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
You need a sexual gate keeper
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize