They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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