dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
