He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
