Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Randomize
