I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Randomize