U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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