Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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