I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
