So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Randomize
