Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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