We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
