paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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