READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
