how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
