I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
