How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
