This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
