It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
