What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
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