i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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