ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
