i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
it's like iHOP with fire
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
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