I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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