Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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