he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
