I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
