Porn is love you can see.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize