fuck your aforementioned shoe
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
