I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
