he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
