i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
