I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
