i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
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