apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
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