Princesses don't give blow jobs
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
