You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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