He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
