There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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