Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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