I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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