Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
